It’s been years and it is still vivid.
I was on top of the bridge; drunk, confused and in deep pain for a love lost. I looked down and I only saw darkness. Yet I know, beneath those shadows is the icy water ready to embrace me and promising to drench everything that I felt.
I was alone. It was so silent. It was so perfect…to die.
It took me minutes to decide and every beat is an agony. At that point, it never mattered whether I believe in God or not. It doesn’t matter if I am doing the rational thing or just plainly stupid. The world just closes in…it was me, the bridge and the jump.
The choice was so simple; ending the pain instantly or to carry it for the rest of my life. I never knew how many minutes or hours just standing on the brink of indecision but I ended up walking away and carrying it and scarring my heart forever.
When I woke up the next day, I just smiled because I realized it was really stupid - so stupid that I ended laughing on myself. I asked why I thought of jumping to drowned myself when in fact…. I am a good swimmer. It was hysterical but the reality remains that I am in deep sh*t.
